FORT WORTH, Texas (BP)–The love doctor was in the house April 19. At least that was the introduction Karolyn Chapman gave her husband, Gary, as they spoke on the topic of relationships during the National Women’s Convention sponsored by LifeWay Christian Resources.
A newsmagazine once described Chapman as “the love doctor” in an article on his work with married couples, but his day job finds him serving as a counselor and director of adult ministries at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, N.C.
Chapman is best known as an author and speaker, and his best-selling book, “The Five Love Languages,” has sold more than 1.5 million copies and been translated in 29 languages. It was also the basis for the Chapmans’ one-hour session at the women’s convention.
Sharing the platform with her husband, Karolyn began the evening telling the almost 7,000 women in attendance that “we all need to feel loved and sense that somebody cares about me.”
“Our faith in Jesus assures us we are deeply loved, but God created us with the need for human love. We are made to give and speak love to others,” she said.
Chapman said during his years as a counselor he repeatedly saw couples, parents and children not connecting. “I would have a parent say they showed their love by buying their son a baseball glove or a bicycle, but what the child wanted was the parent taking the time to teach them to ride a bike or throw a baseball.
“A pattern developed and after 30 years of counseling, I came up with the five basic languages of love,” he said.
An overview of the five languages are:
— Words of affirmation, or building someone up with positive words.
— Acts of service, or doing something to show love to a spouse or child.
— Giving of gifts, or providing visible symbols of love.
— Quality time, or spending time with a loved one and focusing exclusively on him or her.
— Physical touch, or providing the emotional power of physical touch.
“Each of us has a primary love language,” he said. “We probably respond positively to all or most of the five languages, but there is one that really makes us feel loved. It fills up our love tank.”
Chapman emphasized it is rare that a husband and wife have the same language. “We usually use our primary love language on our spouse and soon discover we are not connecting and we are becoming frustrated. It is important to speak the love language of your spouse.”
To discover one’s love language, Chapman gave three clues.
— Observe how you love other people or express your love.
— What do you complain about most often?
— What do you request most often? For example fill in the blank, “If you love me, you would blank.”
To discover the love language of a spouse or child, Chapman said the same clues apply.
“I am often asked what to do if your spouse’s love language is not natural to you. My response is if it is not natural, it shows your love for them even more,” he said. “The important thing to remember is we are not talking about your comfort level; we are talking about your love for the other person. Love is something you do for someone else.”
Chapman admitted it is often difficult to love an unlovely person, but with God’s power it is possible. “It is hard for an individual to turn away from love expressed in his or her love language. Be a channel of God’s love.”
A second LifeWay-sponsored national convention for women this year will be held Sept. 26-28 in Birmingham, Ala.
Speakers will include Beth Moore, author and teacher; Mary Kassian, author of “Conversation Peace” and “In My Father’s House”; Margaret Becker, Christian recording artist and author; the Chapmans; and Iris Blue, a mission service corps volunteer with the North American Mission Board. For more information about the convention, visit LifeWay’s website at lifeway.com/leader_wmncwc.asp.
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(BP) photo posted in the BP Photo Library at http://www.bpnews.net. Photo title: GARY CHAPMAN.
